As I listened to my manager ask me if I still liked him after we had a disagreement, I thought, “Wwwhattt? Do I still like you??? What does that have to do with our discussion? We disagreed but you made a decision, so ok. What’s that got to do with liking you?”

For some managers, they have a need for their staff to like them. They want to be buddies. They fear disagreements and confrontations because they think they will be disliked. I can’t say I understand that and it frustrates me when I am confronted with it. However, it brings up a very key point.

Every manager has personal needs to fulfill and those needs are different for every manager. Understanding what you personally need to feel fulfilled is part of being self-aware. Knowing what you need is a bit different from knowing your personality style in my opinion. Here’s a definition:

Need: Require something because it is essential or very important.*

Not many people identify what they need in their work lives. For me, I need to know I am trusted to do my job. I need to be right. I’m not proud of the need to be right, but yep, I definitely like and need to be right.

It’s important I acknowledge this need up front with myself because when I am challenged on a decision or a belief, I automatically jump to defend that decision or belief. I don’t want to listen to what the other person is saying. I need to be right so why would I listen to someone who doesn’t think I’m right?

When my personal need to be right is being challenged is exactly when I need to listen and pay attention so that I am effective as a manager. To be open to hearing their argument and really hearing what they have to say. It’s not easy, in fact, it’s really hard, and I fail at doing this sometimes. However, when I’m able to hear the person and what they are saying, I can see where they are coming from and understand why they think I am wrong. Based on what I hear, I might alter my belief or decision or I might retain it.

Knowing when my personal needs are interfering in my effectiveness is critical. When we don’t do this, we jeopardize our careers and our relationships with our teams. Identifying your needs is well worth the sometimes not so pleasant realization about how those needs impact your management style.

What are your personal needs as a manager?

 

* New Oxford Dictionary