This story begins when I was having lunch with someone who reported to me several years ago. We were reminiscing about those days and I shared that my mother was ill during those years and died during that time.

My friend sat back in his chair obviously surprised and said, “I had no clue. You never said a word to any of us. You never shared anything about yourself with us. It would have been nice if you had, especially something like that which is so difficult to go through.”

His comments made me sit back in my chair. It had never occurred to me the people on my team would want to hear anything about me. So after thinking through my surprise, I started to investigate. I found some people liked to hear more personal things from me as it was their way to connect with me. Others were happy to keep it to work topics.

 

Balance sharing personal information at work.

 

This all, of course, boils down to the fact that different personality styles want different things from their managers. We all should know this, but sometimes we forget. For myself, I am heavily on the let’s keep it to just work side of the spectrum. However, I found that others who didn’t share my style thought I was aloof and distant. This was a problem. When someone thinks you are aloof and distant, they are not going to be comfortable sharing with you. And that means communication is not open and you, as a manager, need to take the responsibility to adjust your communication style to effectively communicate with those with styles different from yours.

So, I began sharing more about me. At first, I found it strange to share personal things with folks. But I found that those folks who build work relationships on more than work really appreciated it. And, one of the huge benefits I didn’t expect, I got to know people more deeply than before. My relationships with my employees were richer as a result.

Now I try to adjust how I communicate with people based on what they need, not just what I want or expect. It’s still a challenge. But it’s definitely had a positive impact not only on my relationships with peers and direct reports, but it’s also had a positive impact on me as well.