The Mindful Manager – Page 4 – The Mindful Manager

I Need You to Like Me

November 1, 2016 The Mindful Manager

Many Caucasian People And Hands Holding Red Letters Or Characters Building The English Word Like Me On Blue Sky

As I listened to my manager ask me if I still liked him after we had a disagreement, I thought, “Wwwhattt? Do I still like you??? What does that have to do with our discussion? We disagreed but you made a decision, so ok. What’s that got to do with liking you?”

For some managers, they have a need for their staff to like them. They want to be buddies. They fear disagreements and confrontations because they think they will be disliked. I can’t say I understand that and it frustrates me when I am confronted with it. However, it brings up a very key point.

Every manager has personal needs to fulfill and those needs are different for every manager. Understanding what you personally need to feel fulfilled is part of being self-aware. Knowing what you need is a bit different from knowing your personality style in my opinion. Here’s a definition:

Need: Require something because it is essential or very important.*

Not many people identify what they need in their work lives. For me, I need to know I am trusted to do my job. I need to be right. I’m not proud of the need to be right, but yep, I definitely like and need to be right.

It’s important I acknowledge this need up front with myself because when I am challenged on a decision or a belief, I automatically jump to defend that decision or belief. I don’t want to listen to what the other person is saying. I need to be right so why would I listen to someone who doesn’t think I’m right?

When my personal need to be right is being challenged is exactly when I need to listen and pay attention so that I am effective as a manager. To be open to hearing their argument and really hearing what they have to say. It’s not easy, in fact, it’s really hard, and I fail at doing this sometimes. However, when I’m able to hear the person and what they are saying, I can see where they are coming from and understand why they think I am wrong. Based on what I hear, I might alter my belief or decision or I might retain it.

Knowing when my personal needs are interfering in my effectiveness is critical. When we don’t do this, we jeopardize our careers and our relationships with our teams. Identifying your needs is well worth the sometimes not so pleasant realization about how those needs impact your management style.

What are your personal needs as a manager?

* New Oxford Dictionary

Knowing My Weakness is My Strength

October 18, 2016 The Mindful Manager Comments 0 Comment

“You kinda ran over Joe,” one of my managers’ told me. I thanked the manager for sharing this with me then found Joe and asked him to come to my office. “Joe, I didn’t mean to dismiss your idea. I was just eager to get going on this project. Why don’t you go over your idea with me now?”

That might sound like an easy transaction between Joe and I but it was a hard lesson for me to learn. What lesson you may be asking? To know when I have turned someone into roadkill.

You see, when I am in driver mode, I push hard towards a goal, often not asking for everyone’s input, or even hearing when others are suggesting changes. It’s not that I don’t want their input, I do. I really, really do. But if the input isn’t coming in fast and furious within the same mental context I am in, I miss the social cues of someone wanting to add or provide input. And that’s when they become roadkill – run over by the driver.

No one likes to be roadkill.

I know this is a weakness of mine. Somehow, I need to counter it. Since I don’t always know when I’m disregarding someone’s input I ask my staff for help. I let them know it’s ok for them to say, “You ran over Joe.”

How do I make it ok for them to say this to me? I never, EVER get angry at them for telling me. I might heave a huge sigh inside myself or get frustrated but I never get angry at them. Instead, I thank the person and then follow up with the road kill to do what I can to recover the situation.

Learning about my weaknesses isn’t a fun activity but it is necessary. It has a huge influence on whom I hire because I want people on my staff that can counter my weaknesses and help me turn them into strengths.

The plus side? Having folks help me to do this avoids people with tire tracks on their backs littering the hallways at work.

Don’t come to me with problems; Come to me with answers!

October 11, 2016 The Mindful Manager

Early in my career, I walked into my manager’s office and preceded to tell him how the approach we were taking for a software problem was the wrong one. I elaborated on how wrong it was – talking for almost 10 minutes, I laid out all my reasons.

Rich sat quietly and listened. I finally completed my analysis of why the solution was wrong and looked at him expectantly.

He said, “What do you suggest we do?”

I hadn’t thought about that. I was too busy thinking of how wrong the solution was, so I had to say, “I don’t know.”

He very evenly replied, “Don’t you ever come to me with a problem without a solution. Come back when you have a solution.”

Don’t just point out problems.

problems-solutions

It was like a bucket of cold water hit me in the face. I slunk out of his office and back to my desk and when I was done feeling like a complete idiot, I began thinking about alternative options. Then I took some of my ideas to the lead engineer on the team and we sat around brainstorming and discussing options and alternatives. We worked on it until we came up with a better solution that we both felt good about. Then we took that idea back to Rich and had a much better conversation.

Thankfully, this happened early on in my career because it was the best thing any manager has ever said to me. Since that time many years ago, I do my best to never present my boss problems without solutions.

After all, it’s not my manager’s job to solve all of the problems, now is it? That’s why they have me.

Respect: A Classic

October 5, 2016 The Mindful Manager

The queen of soul, Aretha Franklin, wasn’t singing about managers in her song Respect. But the lyrics, “You need me and I need you,” can clearly be applied to management. How so you ask?

Managers need their employees.

We need our employees to do their jobs and to be innovative and motivated. The employees need to be motivated and that’s where the employees need the manager. Managers need to motivate their employees.

Respect works in motivating employees. I respect my employees, and I trust that they are excellent at their work and will produce superior results. Because my employees know this, they strive to do a great job and be innovative, often motivated to kick ass and take names.

So try a little respect.

Giving Credit Where Credit is Due

September 27, 2016 The Mindful Manager

I was on my way to my manager’s office and noticed her door was open. As I came up to the door, I realized she was on the phone and heard her mention my name. She was telling the person on the phone about how she had told me to implement HER idea – the one that was really MY idea.

I was angry so I went to her door and cleared my throat. She looked up in surprise and quickly ended her call. She then asked me, “What’s up?” I should have confronted her but I didn’t. I’m not sure why. I usually have no problem in confronting people. However, I never trusted her again and never again made suggestions that would benefit the group or product. Not long after, I left her group. So perhaps that was my protest? 240_f_58227718_credit

I always try to give credit where credit is due. If one of my team members does something really good, or has an idea I want implemented, I make sure to acknowledge that person and give them credit for the work. I do this because then my staff understands I won’t take credit for the good work they are doing. The result is my behavior motivates them to want to produce high quality work.

Acknowledging, publicly, individuals’ contributions is highly motivating.

Don’t de-motivate your team by taking credit for their ideas. Give them the credit that is due to them. It’s one of the best investments you can make in your team. And you will get the credit for having great team members who come up with and implement great ideas.

Of course, when I do have a good idea, I’m happy to take credit for it!