Work & Personality Style – Page 2

Managing Mindfully

November 2, 2016 The Mindful Manager

When I became a manager for the first time, I had no training in management. It was like magic – poof! You are now a manager. Go forth and manage.

So I did. I made mistakes. I bumbled around. I learned. I took classes and got feedback. Let me just say the early feedback wasn’t great. I realized I needed to spend time on my management skills and be mindful of how I managed. So I worked on my blind spots and strengthened my communication skills.

The key to all this management and leadership stuff?

It takes dedication and work to be a good manager and leader. And good managers never stop learning. On this site I share what I’ve learned about leadership and management – both as someone being managed by someone else and as a leader and manager.

I Need You to Like Me

November 1, 2016 The Mindful Manager

Many Caucasian People And Hands Holding Red Letters Or Characters Building The English Word Like Me On Blue Sky

As I listened to my manager ask me if I still liked him after we had a disagreement, I thought, “Wwwhattt? Do I still like you??? What does that have to do with our discussion? We disagreed but you made a decision, so ok. What’s that got to do with liking you?”

For some managers, they have a need for their staff to like them. They want to be buddies. They fear disagreements and confrontations because they think they will be disliked. I can’t say I understand that and it frustrates me when I am confronted with it. However, it brings up a very key point.

Every manager has personal needs to fulfill and those needs are different for every manager. Understanding what you personally need to feel fulfilled is part of being self-aware. Knowing what you need is a bit different from knowing your personality style in my opinion. Here’s a definition:

Need: Require something because it is essential or very important.*

Not many people identify what they need in their work lives. For me, I need to know I am trusted to do my job. I need to be right. I’m not proud of the need to be right, but yep, I definitely like and need to be right.

It’s important I acknowledge this need up front with myself because when I am challenged on a decision or a belief, I automatically jump to defend that decision or belief. I don’t want to listen to what the other person is saying. I need to be right so why would I listen to someone who doesn’t think I’m right?

When my personal need to be right is being challenged is exactly when I need to listen and pay attention so that I am effective as a manager. To be open to hearing their argument and really hearing what they have to say. It’s not easy, in fact, it’s really hard, and I fail at doing this sometimes. However, when I’m able to hear the person and what they are saying, I can see where they are coming from and understand why they think I am wrong. Based on what I hear, I might alter my belief or decision or I might retain it.

Knowing when my personal needs are interfering in my effectiveness is critical. When we don’t do this, we jeopardize our careers and our relationships with our teams. Identifying your needs is well worth the sometimes not so pleasant realization about how those needs impact your management style.

What are your personal needs as a manager?

* New Oxford Dictionary

When Helping Is Not Helpful: Making Assumptions

September 20, 2016 The Mindful Manager

As a newly minted first line manager, I was eager to help my team. As I met with each person on the team, each one explained what he or she was working on. I asked a series of questions. Those questions were usually asked with the unspoken assumption that the employee hadn’t done something or considered something important in doing their job. After all, I was helping!

In one of these meetings, an employee said to me, “You know, it would be much more productive if you asked me if I did those things already instead of assuming I haven’t.” Oh. She didn’t say, ‘trust me to do those things,’ but that’s what I heard. I’ve always wanted my employees to trust me and here I was – not trusting them to do their jobs.

Never make assumptions.

At some point in our careers, we all enjoy (not!) the manager that doesn’t trust his staff. You know the one. The one who assumes you haven’t done the simple things already and instead tells you to do them never asking if you already have.

Here I was, being that manager. Argh. assumptions

I didn’t think I was being an assuming type of manager. I really believed it was helpful to ask those questions. I still slip up every now and then and ask assuming questions. Sometimes I catch myself and respond with, “But I know you probably already considered that, right?” It’s how I try to recover from making assumptions. Why take the time to recover? Because making assumptions can damage the relationship I have with my employee.

So when talking to your employees remember what it feels like to have your manager make assumptions about you. Holding that thought in place, ask your employee what has already been considered or done. This is so much more respectful of your employees and you might end up very surprised by their answers.

The Hard Truth: Not all Your Ideas are Great

September 13, 2016 The Mindful Manager Comments 0 Comment

At a staff meeting, I very enthusiastically shared my great idea to improve productivity. It was such a great idea! I divvied up responsibilities to implement this great idea and left the meeting thinking how brilliant I was. I had recently been promoted to a director level position and I was eager to show what I could do.

Now, there are lots of ways to improve productivity. I had ideas, sure. But I failed to realize that my managers and their team members might have some input too. Nope. I charged ahead with my “great” idea. I didn’t pause to ask for feedback because I was so sure it was such a great idea.

A few days later, after investigating how to implement my great idea, one of my managers came into my office, shut the door and started questioning me about my great idea. I found this irritating. She was questioning me about my obviously great idea!

Maybe my idea wasn’t so great.

She kept asking what outcome I expected and how that outcome could be achieved if we implemented my great idea. At that point, I paused and looked at her. It finally struck me that my great idea might be a bad idea. I

idea-bad realized to really manage a successful team, I had to be willing to hear from my employees that what I thought was a brilliantly great idea – might not be so brilliant. That’s tough especially if I’m really attached to the idea and really do believe it is brilliant.

This manager then went on to propose another way to improve productivity and how it could be implemented and tracked. Her proposal was a better proposal than mine. I had a choice: refuse her proposal and continue with my great idea or go with her proposal. If I continued with my great idea, that I now knew had some serious downsides, this would signal to her and the entire organization that I was unwilling to consider other people’s ideas. This action could result in closing down creativity and innovation. Or, I could swallow my pride and choose a better idea than mine.

I told her I would think about her proposal and get back to her. I thought through the two proposals long and hard; clearly her proposal was a better one than mine. I decided to go with her proposal. What I didn’t realize at the time was my decision not only gave folks the freedom to propose new ideas but it also told them I trusted them.

Since that time, I’ve proposed new things and my team members have proposed new things. By making it a reciprocal conversation with lots of back and forth, I get buy-in and signal to the team that I respect and trust their input. I’m not saying I don’t at times decline their proposals. I do. But only after listening and weighing the pros and cons of each proposal. In this way, the door to creativity and innovation is left wide open.

Worse Line Ever From a Manager: “You all are like my children.”

September 6, 2016 The Mindful Manager

“You all are like my children,” my manager said to me.

I just stared at him. I was offended on so many levels. I was NOT his child in any sense of the word. However, as this was my first professional job, I didn’t say anything in response though I could feel my body constricting in anger. He then went on to elaborate just why he thought his direct reports were like his children: We didn’t always agree, some team members get upset with other team members. And so on.

If what he really meant to say is we are all human beings that at times disagree with a direction or a decision, or that we can be offended by what we think are inappropriate remarks, then yes, we are all like children. And sometimes, that’s ok.

The most amazing, and appalling, piece of this point of view is that my manager clearly thought he was the only reasonable adult person at work. Wow. Pretty arrogant – and definitely wrong.

All of us, including those managers who think their employees are their children, have experienced frustration, disagreements, and yes, squabbling, at work. It’s called being human! Instead of responding by thinking people are acting like children, a good manager assesses the situation and takes appropriate action. He does not treat his employees like children.

Childish behavior at work is usually encouraged by the manager.

If you think you are the only adult at work, then you must be doing something wrong. If you treat people like your children, you will get childish behavior from some and others will leave your organization. This is why the real solution is to raise the bar on behavior.

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I treat those that work for me like I want to be treated: as an adult. I find it is more respectful and rarely does behavior degenerate into childish behavior. Especially since they know I expect professional, respectful behavior.